Day 19 - 20 lbs FINALLY :)

So today I finally made a little milestone. It took about two and a half weeks but I am finally down to 204 lbs. I couldn't be happier because along with that weight comes a total pound lose of 20 lbs. That in itself is a small miracle. If I had to timeline this for people it goes like this:
June 1st 2007 = 204 - 205 lbs
October 2007 = 180 pounds
January 2008 = 170 lbs
August 2008 = 196 lbs
December 2008 = 204 lbs
January 2009 - January 2010 = 225 lbs
February 14th 2010 = 204.6 lbs
It's not often that I think about the fact that for more than one year I gave up on myself. Literally said it's OK if I die because the food is more important. I remember bull shitting people saying "Oh I could get hit by a bus tomorrow so if I am gonna die than at least I won't go hungry." I can sit hear today still over weight still not where I want to be at the end of this and I can look back and say how could someone hate themselves that much. It makes no sense but that's how I was living. Today my wife and I watched the first three episodes of the Biggest Loser on Hulu. We got to meet 20 obese people who made the decision that they wanted to live and went for it. I listened to the doctor on the show do blood tests and come back and tell person after person that they have Diabetes or are right there maybe a month away from developing it. Let me tell you something about diabetes, beyond killing you one of the less harsh consequences to the disease is that they take your foot or part of it. My God Mother whom I love no longer has a part of her foot because of the choices she made. She simply gave up hope and her husband did too. I have decided that I like both my feet and I won't give them up without a fight. I don't want to live knowing that the diseases I may have could have been prevented if I had only loved myself more. I think everyone needs to take time to think about who they are and what they want in their lives. I turned 30 this January and it occurs to me that I can either live till 90 or die at 50 its my choice. In the Latin culture cancer isn't as bad as in some others. However heart disease is. Being adopted I have no medical history on either side to gage my future on. What I can say is that not knowing is the best thing for me. If god decides to take me then he does and that's life but I am choosing to live from here on out. The important thing to remember when you undertake something like I am doing is that you can't do it for other people it has to be for yourself. I can't count the times that my dear wife had to tap dance around my weight issues because she loved me too much to tell me the hard truths. She cared more about how I felt on the inside and less about what I looked like on the outside. It's not always that easy to do considering that my weight and propensity to disease effects her just as much if not more. All of our life together she has depended on me to be the man and to make her feel safe and secure. Being 225 lbs was a blatant disrespect to her and myself and how can any woman feel secure when her man can't even fight because he's out of breath. It's because of the choices that I made this month I can sit here at 204 lbs still being in the obese category and feel hopeful and proud. I know I can finish this and one day if I make it down to 150 lbs I can look back at these blog entries and use them as a tool to help me remember who I was and why I needed to change.

Today's Food: 1&1/3 Servings of Skim Milk 107 cals, 2 Servings Special K + Protein Cereal 200 cals, 2 Slices of Rye Bread 130 cals, 1/4 Serving Tuna 15 cals, 1 Sweet Potato 115 Cals, 9.75 Oz Chicken Breast with Southwest Spice Rub 508 cals, 2 Servings Dark Raspberry Jello 108 cals, 1 Banana 105 cals, 1 Bag of Low cal Popcorn 100 Calories, 1 Empire Apple, 2 Servings Unsalted Sunflower Seeds 300 cals.

TOTAL WEIGHT LOSS TO DATE: 20.4 Pounds

Date: 2/14/2010
Current Weight: 204.6 lbs
Daily Calories: 1,768
Exercise Routine: 20 Push ups, 15 Dumbbell Presses, 30 Dumbbell Flys, 30 Standing Curls, 15 Squats, 15 Dumbbell Kickbacks, 3 mins butterfly kicks, 20 mins Elliptical, 25 mins walking

Waist Size: No Change
Body Condition: Wedding Ring is getting looser, Belly and Neck are shrinking
Mental Condition: Excited and thanks to the biggest loser I feel like my batteries have been recharged and my drive to finish this is in high gear.

On another note I am starting to budget some new exercise equipment to help my goals. The first is a good rowing machine, then a fitness ball, tension bands, boxing gloves and a heavy bag, a new bicycle and helmet. I would also love to do Boxing, Kick Boxing, Karate, Pilate's, or Yoga.